A new personality

What is the antidote for toxic levels of frozen dreariness?

Tropical vacation, yes, but when that's not available in the instant, people like me look for solutions in the grocery store. It seems the most practical answer to the question, e.g.:

The best antidote for winter doldrums is

A) leaving for the tropics 

B) a lobotomy 

C) hibernation 

D) kumquats

The key to answering multiple-choice questions, I learned in grade school, is to weed out the less probable answers. Answer A isn't really convenient when one has to teach in Massachusetts most days of the week. Answer B isn't really in fashion these days and, therefore, isn't likely to be covered by health insurance. C isn't really feasible, biologically, if one is human. Due to these practical considerations, I chose answer D.

I didn't go to the grocery store to seek out kumquats, specifically. I went there for a more general kind of therapy. A friend was in a food rut, and I was more than a little unhappy about being stuck in the dead of winter. I thought we should investigate a grocery store together, and each buy something we'd never think to select in our current state. 

Neither my friend (who suggested I refer to her in this post as Kumquat Ninja) nor I had much experience with kumquats. We made vague plans for what to do with them, but agreed that part of the therapy, here, was the unknown, experimental nature of the thing.* 

A day later, my friend emailed:

The Kumquat Report

Don't ever cook a kumquat
Not even once or twice
Cuz the kumquat doesn't like it
It's better to eat rice

My tongue ith pickled.

"The kumquats were so sour they took over," she said, in a dish of red lentils, couscous, quinoa, lemongrass, soy sauce, mirin, ginger, garlic, carrots, peppers and tofu.

I tried two experiments. I liked the second, better than the first, because of its balance of flavors. Kumquats are sour, but that isn't my objection to them. I was expecting sour. I like sour food. My issue is with their bitterness. I like bitter food, too. (I love bitter melon.) Kumquats have a slight sweetness, though, that makes their bitter flavor tricky to balance in savory dishes. At least that was my conclusion. Please let me know what you think.

Kumquat Experiment 1

This recipe came to me out of nowhere; I thought the combination of flavorings might be interesting. It is, but if you don't like the slightly-bitter taste of marmalade, use lemon juice instead of kumquats. I didn't cook the kumquats, at all. In hindsight, I'd cook them for a few minutes next time. I'd also use fresh chili pepper instead of dried. The dried chili peppers weren't spicy enough to balance the kumquats' sweet-sour-bitter flavor.

10 kumquats, sliced thinly or diced

1 1/2 C sprouted green lentils

1 T peanut oil

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 scallions or 1 small onion, diced 

3-4 fresh bay leaves

1-2 dried red chili peppers

3-4 pods green cardamom

salt

1 1/2 C water

Heat the oil in a heavy-bottomed pan over medium heat. When it's hot, put in the dried chili and the bay leaves. Stir them around for a minute or so and then add the garlic, scallions/onion and the cardamom pods (or seeds--I like to take the seeds out of the pods, but that's not necessary). Stir for another minute or two and add the lentils. Stir them around, then add the water and salt. Bring to a boil, cover and cook on medium-low for about 15 minutes. Turn off the heat and stir in the kumquats.

Serve with something mild-mannered, like rice, bread or potatoes.

Kumquat Experiment 2

This recipe also came to me out of nowhere, or almost nowhere. Having tried Experiment 1, I was thinking about what might balance the kumquats' flavors better. This is what I came up with, based (as usual) on what I had on hand. 

about 1/4 of an onion, diced

3 kumquats, diced

2 (smallish) heads broccoli with stems, diced

about a tablespoon of olive oil

salt to taste

about 1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds, dry-roasted over medium heat until fragrant and ground

1 teaspoon black or white pepper, dry roasted and ground

Note: I used a lot of pepper--enough to make the dish spicy.

Saute the onion in olive oil over medium heat for a few minutes, until translucent. Add everything else and continue to cook for about four minutes, or until the broccoli is tender but still slightly crisp, and bright green.

The experiments cheered me. Until I move to a warmer climate, I'll take refuge in the grocery store, and in the colors and flavors I find there.

I'm not the first person to seek therapy in a grocery store. Ask The Clash. As they imply, expectations are key. One of my favorite pieces of advice, passed down to me third-hand from Al-Anon, is "Don't go to the hardware store for oranges." Although meant for human-to-human interactions, the advice applies, on levels other than the literal purchasing of citrus fruit, to human-retail situations, too. Don't go to the grocery store for a new personality. It's not impossible to find one there, or anywhere else, but that isn't the most probable of outcomes. Don't expect kumquats to take away winter. They can tip the balance of a bad day, though, or pickle your tongue**, inspire a poem or provide good distraction during yet another snow storm.




*We were, I believe, managing our expectations by expecting the unexpected.
**My friend has recovered and is back to Kumquat Ninja duties as usual.